Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
