Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
