I'm lost and stupid without you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
