You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
