why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize