i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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