put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
