i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
