I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
