Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
