Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
