the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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