So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
