you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
