No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
