Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
