she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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