The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
