Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
