I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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