Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
