I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
