fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
