Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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