I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
