Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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