Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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