he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
