Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
