I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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