the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im part way to drunk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
