he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will pee on everything he values.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
