dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
