eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
