ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
