sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
