ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
