his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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