have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
