U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
