Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
being pregnant is like rehab
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
