I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
