Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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