I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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