im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
