you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
