It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
