so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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