he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
