I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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