I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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